A letter to my first born before she becomes a big sister.
For your entire life it’s been just the three of us – you, your Dad and I. Now, with only weeks left until our family grows by one, I feel excitement and joy, but also a heavy feeling in knowing that our time together as just us is almost up.
I remember being heavily pregnant with you and reading somewhere that having a baby is making the decision to have your heart walk around on the outside of your body. The moment I first met and held you, nothing made more sense to me. I could never have imagined the love I would feel when you were first placed on my chest, or the love and happiness such a small little human could bring into our lives. You made my dream of becoming a mummy come true and taught me a new kind of love. One I have never felt before – one I wouldn’t have known existed had you not come into our lives. Everything was different from the moment you entered our world. I was different. From this moment on, my reason for being – my purpose in this world, was you.
I always knew I wanted to have babies at a time where your Dad and I could afford for me to be a stay-at-home mummy for as long as possible. I didn’t want to miss a thing, and your Dad and I just both felt more comfortable with you being in my care than anyone else’s. No one could ever show you the love, care, time, patience or affection than that of your own Mother and Father. So for the past 18 months, it’s been you and I – day in and day out. We wake up, have some breakfast as a family before Dad shoots off to work (the most hard working men I know are your Dad and Grandad… always working their butts off to support their families and never a single complaint). Then you and I spend the day together with no limit on the amount of cuddles, kisses, play time, giggles and time we spend together. Your Dad gets home from work, you run into his arms with a beautiful grin on your face before we have family time, dinner, a bath then say good night once again. This is all you know and pretty much all I’ve ever dreamt of. The fact that we have been blessed again with a beautiful little boy (your little brother), really does make us the luckiest, most blessed family I know, and I will never take it for granted. While some things won’t change, many things will. The thing I suspect you will be impacted by the most, is the fact that you will now need to learn to share your Mummy.
I might not be able to jump right up every time you take my hand like I normally do. Please know this isn’t because I don’t care about what you want to share with me.
I might not be able to sit down on the lounge room floor and draw and play as much as we used to. Please know this isn’t because I don’t cherish your company.
I might not be able to get to you as quickly as I used to when you fall over. Please know this isn’t because I don’t love you with all of my heart.
I might not always be immediately available for a cuddle like I am now. Please know this isn’t because you aren’t the most special girl in my entire universe. Please also know that I will always come give you that cuddle as soon as I am able.
I might hold, cuddle, nurse and fuss over your little brother a lot. Please know that this isn’t me playing favourites. My love for you will never, ever change.
While it might seem like a lot to take on board right now, I promise you that it’s going to be wonderful change in our family. You will have a sibling. A forever friend (in addition to your Dad and I of course!!). Another person to love, adore and protect you, like your Dad and I will always do (and from the way you react to your mum getting needles jabbed in her, you will be just as loving and protective in return). Family is the most important and wonderful thing in the world, and growing ours is the best decision we ever made, as it gave us you and your soon-to-be little brother.
I hope with all my heart that you never feel sad about the changes to come, or feel any less loved, because my heart aches when yours does and honestly Taylor Grace, we couldn’t love you any more if we tried. You’re the most beautiful 18 month old we have ever been lucky enough to know, and we are so grateful that you’re ours. We see who you are and who you’re becoming; a beautiful, gentle, sensitive, caring and fun human being. Half me and half the man I love. It’s literally impossible for us to love you any more than we already do. Please don’t ever question or forget it, big sister.